Miss Go London to boycott Moet after public snubbing from French

By miss h
In a rare impetuous and brash move, miss go London held a press conference from her furnitureless chaotic flat in west London. The reporters competed with the boxes for space. Miss go London appeared calm and rational, from which we can infer she had taken her meds. This was in contrast to the earlier voicemail messages her contacts at Grazia and She and the Sun received, which was something like, "I can't believe those French fuckers at moet, how dare they, don’t they know my grandfather saved their asses in the war?! I have tasted small grower vintage champagne! I am calling a press conference now, get over here. I promise there will be tea and cakes!".
Decked out in an unfortunate paul smith and Vivienne westwood shouting match of an ensemble, an obvious slight to French fashion to those of us that know miss go london's taste, she began her volley. "It is a shame that the owners of Moet, LVMH, have a mission to create barriers to cross cultural and border understanding in a world that is at such a poor point in terms of overall peace and health. Rather than condemn it should support. Rather than criticise, it should set examples. Rather than attack, it should provide amnesty. The French are not known for their tact, but this is ridiculous. With great power comes great responsibility. As spider man's uncle said in the movie. The French, especially its companies with brands more powerful that anything the Russians own, should act As If [they have power]."

As almost everyone who is not anyone knows, yesterday Miss go London was at a fabulously posh restaurant in the City for lunch. She decorously ate and drank her way through the affair just barely spilling wine and roasted tomato chutney on the white table clothe surrounding her. To begin and end the epicurean event, the group imbibed bottles of Moet vintage champagne. Miss go London inwardly smiled proudly at herself and purchased a mental spa day; she had worn her vintage louis vuitton wedge sandals with goldish stud trim. It matched the champers in that st. tropez way. Damn I am good the American in her thought. After the cheese course, the group finished the champers. However, miss go London (and only she) overheard a comment from the men at the table next to her. They looked impeccably dressed in a can't be English sort of way. They were thin with thinning hair and thin rimmed glasses. They had wedding rings but sized up every female in the room, the answer being Yes. Clearly, they were French.

"Can you believe these English? How they glug this gorgeous champagne that your firm creates, as if it is a drug that should not be savoured, and only appreciated for its effects en masse. It is despicable. What do you think the percentage of these drinkers even understands NV from vintage, has tasted a small grower, or knows what a blanc et blanc is? Phht…ridiculous."

"I know what you mean Jacques, I completely agree. I wish I could distance my brand from the guzzling non-french community. You say English, but we know the Americans and Germans are just as crass. Look at this world cup nonsense. They should be banned from our champagne, and left to that swill they call beer. What can we do? I cannot forbid them from buying it. I am sure Australia or California would be delighted to have this business."

At the last minute conference, Miss go London tapped her vintage LV shoes. Flipped her hair. Which needs a trim. "By sheer fate, it has come to my attention that the managing director of the Moet division of LVMH views the sponsorship of the champers glugging culture as 'unwelcome attention. I view his comments as quasi-racist and will no longer support any of their products. I am selling my cases of Moet, even the blush. And these puppies…" she takes off her vintage sandals, looks at them longingly, and holds them up to the snap-snap of the digital cameras, "I am placing these on Ebay today. As far as I know, Christian Laboutin doesn't have a problem with me. Christian, please don't prove me wrong". The last bit was almost whispered.People can be divided into two types. Those that believe that everything changes, and those that believe that flux rules the world; it is inherent. While Miss go London would adamantly state that she is of the latter type, it is pure irony that shows us that Americans still take everything personally and think that all cultures play by their rulebook, and the French hate everyone indiscriminately and thus are unable to be racist.