I am confounded as to how Ms. Madonna could have broken collarbone and etc. and bruising when she fell off her horse. (I am also confounded as to why it should be reported as Breaking News on Sky as I sweated my caloric intake of the day away at the Holmes Place Fulham, but that is for later). Now, if you don't ride horses, then you think, miss golondon, how idiotic are you gravity, plus bones plus velocity equals hospital.

However, I ride, and have fallen a billion times. My mom rides, and she is almost 20 years older than Madge, and she doesn't break things (and me mum is fighting off osteoporosis). and my mom falls! she has fallen at least 2 times this year. My dad falls too, and I think he has cracked some shins and tailbones, but that is it. I have bruised some ribs [picture this, i am trying out a horse to buy, i am jumping a 3' jump, the horse refuses (my fault), so horse stays on front side of jump, i go flying off and over, to the other side, landing on my chest; every day thereafter i would get the hiccups, which is still recall as being more painful than the Brazilian i get].

The most recent fall I had (only because I rarely ride anymore) was in Ireland 1.5 years ago. I was there foxhunting with my family on an Irish hunt. The hunt was wicked, difficult, and gorgeous (NB no foxes were killed). I rode a very large and round mare. This is the opposite build of what I am used to, a skinny narrow gelding that I showed all my life (Sterling, the best horse ever in the world). The horse jumped very round, and it is very hard to keep one's balance. At one point, we come up to the ubiquitous Stone Wall, which we had to jump or climb (yes, some horses climbed the mo-fo, it was that big), but i knew my horse would jump it. I tried to come at it at an angle, so she would climb it, but no, over she POPPED. Up, Down, not much over. Thus off I POPPED too. (FN)

Now Madonna, here is where you need to read, you can forget the preamble, you would probably be bored because I am not a celebrity. Because I have fallen a billion times, I have (touch wood) perfected the art thereof. You prepare by kicking stirrups off, tense thighs to launch yourself out of harms way, and basically do it all with a spin so that you flip off, and land on your feet. BUT do not let go of reins. If horse is not trained properly, it will run off. Then you look at horse, give it a smile of confidence, limp to the side you mount, and re-mount. Give horse a pat to urge it to take care of you because you can barely breath and are very shakey.

So Madge, if reading, you need to learn how to fall. So do your children, for their safety's sake. Learning how to fall, from a horse or metaphysically, gracefully and poised for movement as soon as one lands, is a life lesson that we should treasure and aspire to. I definitely have learned the horse fall, and continue to receive life lessons on the latter. I offer a package of these lessons to you for £1500 an hour, minimum 10 hours, and you must supply the safety vests (the kind that horse trialers wear). Why were you not wearing one in the first place?

FN After the hunt we went to pub and drank with our fellow hunters, and one of the whipper ins, a ladies man he fancied himself, took to me, because the Irish are fantastic flirts, and I left with his number. all without Dad knowing I may add. My sister and I had a laugh. Because of time proximity, I would call this part of the falling process, and would grade it an A+.