Debating Game, take 2
I would like to thank all the commentors below; they have helped me make some headway into defining the differences.
In summary, i think the confusion lies in the assumption of the definition of dating, in simple terms. I think it means one thing here, and another on the other side of the pond.
The point that was made that relationships should not be driven by a rigid formula resounded with me. I agree, but because they are messy and most people do not have good communication skills when it comes to their emotions and the honesty in between, a basic template helps. It can help people from getting hurt, help them make decisions, and just grease the process.
One comment clarified for me where i think there is some confusion. "Either you are dating or you are not...why would you accept that your bf/gf is seeing others". This statement assumes that dating equals bf/gf. In the US, they are two separate concepts. A bf is an exclusive, monogomous relationship with the expecations that tag along with "couple"dom. Dating is not encomposaing a monogomy, an exclusivity, and there has not been an establshed coupleness yet.
This is what the DTR is about. that moment when you realise you like the idea of the next step, bf/gf, and you discuss with the other person if they too want to proceed down this path. often if the answer by one is NO, then there is a break up. So yes, you can be dating, but by definition it is the space between a friend or even not knowing someone, and being in a monogomous relationship that americans call bf/gf. I disagree that the "talk is crap". Frankly, i think that any communication that is open and honest between two people concerning their mutual emotions and feelings considering the affect one anther, possibly immensely, is good inherently. It is also a very difficult and scary thing to do, because its really an appointment with Dr. Vulnerability isn't it!
I still dont feel like i begin to understand my ending comment, if it isn't X, then what does Y look like. Calling all cars, feel free to comment with descriptive commentary. If a British guy thinks you are dating him, than he thinks you are exclusively with him?
When i am not so tired, i want to write on the topic of why would you date and accept something other than bf/gf. That is a monster of a question, and is what US dating culture is based on. It also exposes the ugly side of how my generation is socialised to regard relationships. There are some positives, but loads of negative implications.
Finally, no matter all the rhetoric about how to get into a relationship, humans are made to be in couples (same or mixed sex, the more love the merrier) and will find ways to do it, some healthy, some via a strict template, everywhich way in between. if it was anything different, we wouldn't have blogs/books/movies, etc. discussing it! happy saturday, i am going to go have a big glass of wine to celebrate my solo saturday night.
In summary, i think the confusion lies in the assumption of the definition of dating, in simple terms. I think it means one thing here, and another on the other side of the pond.
The point that was made that relationships should not be driven by a rigid formula resounded with me. I agree, but because they are messy and most people do not have good communication skills when it comes to their emotions and the honesty in between, a basic template helps. It can help people from getting hurt, help them make decisions, and just grease the process.
One comment clarified for me where i think there is some confusion. "Either you are dating or you are not...why would you accept that your bf/gf is seeing others". This statement assumes that dating equals bf/gf. In the US, they are two separate concepts. A bf is an exclusive, monogomous relationship with the expecations that tag along with "couple"dom. Dating is not encomposaing a monogomy, an exclusivity, and there has not been an establshed coupleness yet.
This is what the DTR is about. that moment when you realise you like the idea of the next step, bf/gf, and you discuss with the other person if they too want to proceed down this path. often if the answer by one is NO, then there is a break up. So yes, you can be dating, but by definition it is the space between a friend or even not knowing someone, and being in a monogomous relationship that americans call bf/gf. I disagree that the "talk is crap". Frankly, i think that any communication that is open and honest between two people concerning their mutual emotions and feelings considering the affect one anther, possibly immensely, is good inherently. It is also a very difficult and scary thing to do, because its really an appointment with Dr. Vulnerability isn't it!
I still dont feel like i begin to understand my ending comment, if it isn't X, then what does Y look like. Calling all cars, feel free to comment with descriptive commentary. If a British guy thinks you are dating him, than he thinks you are exclusively with him?
When i am not so tired, i want to write on the topic of why would you date and accept something other than bf/gf. That is a monster of a question, and is what US dating culture is based on. It also exposes the ugly side of how my generation is socialised to regard relationships. There are some positives, but loads of negative implications.
Finally, no matter all the rhetoric about how to get into a relationship, humans are made to be in couples (same or mixed sex, the more love the merrier) and will find ways to do it, some healthy, some via a strict template, everywhich way in between. if it was anything different, we wouldn't have blogs/books/movies, etc. discussing it! happy saturday, i am going to go have a big glass of wine to celebrate my solo saturday night.
posted by miss goLondon at 9:08 PM
1 Comments:
I refer to this "um" stage as "seeing eachother". Not an exclusive period but one where you are getting to know eachother and are free to date others. This should be a pretty accepted concept.
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