Advent Calendar of Change

Tomorrow I go home to Texas where it will be sunny and 21 degrees for a week. I am very happy and hope that the time will be smooth and free of most anxiety. We have some horses sick ( we have the geriatric ward of horse farms), and couple of octogenarian canines, and my grandfather has passed away recently, so I query whether these will cause unexpected emotional currents that I am not used to. I want to do nothing more than talk to my parents and two sisters, sleep, eat, go for rides and run.

Although my family are drinkers I am going to try to drink little as I need the rest. My brain has been so scattered lately, I can barely have a meaningful conversation. If it is small talk, fine. But any oral capability about a business type topic is beyond me at this point. To many drinks, to little sleep, and other parts of my mind are still humming away on emotional issues.

As always when I go home, I chant my mantras about moving beyond my oldest sister role in my family and into an adult capable of moving past stereotypical role playing. And how do you think I score on that? Well you would be right if you think each year improve, but we aren't even at a 75% test score and I have been working on this for years. Do not criticise youngest sister. Do not fuss at mother . Do not get into debates with father because I am so beyond his debate capabilities in terms of practice and armed with facts rather than the latest Republican paid media article….Maybe if I made them positive. Compliment both sisters. Help mother and just shut mouth up. Nod head and smile at father because in the end I am not going to change and neither is he. But oh part of me wants to walk of the plane in my best eurogear, waving an Economist and talking loudly in a non-American accent how myopic and insular americans are when it comes to global responsibility and by the way they do realise they are causing global warming?( i do have a bit of the drama queen in me, but she rarely comes out. except drunk at Christmas parties at Chinawhite when fueled with sexual frustration.)

Am I really going to succeed at not drinking a bottle of wine a night….

So, perhaps if I spend most of my time sleeping, reading, writing, riding and running and cooking in my parent's phenomenal kitchen, I won't have time to make family dynamics an issue. The trip will not be full of social plans because we live in the country and it is too far to drive to see the few friends I have in the "Metroplex".

Here are my 12 days of Christmas:
12 nights of too much drinking
11 pairs of gloves lost this winter
10 boys I have flirted/had dates/kissed or received numbers from in this Advent
9 dogs and cats to hug when I go home
8 pounds of food and treats I am bringing home care of Fortnum and Mason and Charbonell and Walker
7 pounds I had better not put on whilst home so thank goodness for the treadmill although I wish it was a spin bike
6 nights I will be in Texas and average about 10 hours of sleep
5 people to get presents for in my family including moi
4 hours of sleep on average on the 12 days
3 new wrinkles on my face and now reasons for botox
2 brain cells left functioning; lets pray to the baby jesus for multiplication, amen
1 happy girl that I will be returning to London for an optimistic 2006, my third year here.