Chalet Antics, Directors Cut
Waking up with sticky eyes and a throbbing head, my senses begin to register that I am not in a bed next to reens and there is a very warm body next to mine in the same bed. Make that a gorgeous example of a male body next to mine. I am then inundated with waves of memory haze. Him "walking" me to his chalet; us snogging, me repeating in what must be a very unsexy way that this is a bad idea and his sister is going to kill me. And his attempt to assure me his sister gave him permission. And his wooing me with tales of how he began to fancy me and thought I was very cool when we had our dinner/bar chat. I am not above hearing lines that flatter me.
My phone rings and it is Reens. I am confirming that yes with LJ, will be home soon. But LJ and I just doze and lay there, none of us really feeling like leaving warm room to go into bright cold with blinding hangover. Eventually I make a move to leave, and he offers to walk me home. When we walk he says, what should we tell them? And I said, well, I guess that I stayed over and if pressed for details, we kissed. Which had veracity because surprisingly despite temptation, I kept my ski trip virginity intact.
I can't offer you the details either of how it happened because I have minimal recollection. But this is what Reens told me, when I met up with her that afternoon, halfway down the mountain, to do some emergency hydration and food. She said we were all on the dance floor, and M and A were each trying to pull me. I was pretty much just doing my own thing, which means flirting equally. Then she said LJ walked into the club, also very drunk. Walked right over to me, and started dancing. Then pulled me off dance floor, sat down and we started to talk. The others left, I said I wasn't ready, and that was it.
While the reaction was certainly not frigid, it wasn't taking the piss out of me either. Only one of the girls mentioned it, asking for some disclosure. Later I said LJ developing a crush on me was quite a compliment; she said she was sure I made his holiday. A was very frigid, although sent me a text that morning asking if had gotten home ok, and they were meeting at the lifts later if I wanted to join. After that though, he was ice king. The sister and other friend didn't freeze me out, but I felt they were a bit awkward around me at first. I had expected them to just take the piss out of me and laugh it off. Nor did they ignore or be mean or snide or passive aggressive. So snogging LJ and staying over with him may have cost me some NBFs. It definitely cost me more dates with Alec although I was never clear whether that was on offer, considering the lack of discussion up to the trip. On a positive note, it was extremely complimentary.
M still took time to talk to me and get to know me. The last night, he finally alluded to my getting together with LJ. He said, so last time you were here you left with someone. Do you do that a lot? I said, well, I don’t' feel bad about it. I am single, and I am not cheating on anyone. He said, well, yeah you should be proud; you were the only one of our group that pulled. I laughed and said, I would say I was pulled I am not sure how much I had to do with it, I didn't go out and seduce LJ.
I received an interesting insight into myself from M too. He said, you know I think the guy that gets you will have to pass a lot of tests won't he? I said what do you mean? And he says that he gets the feeling that I test the guys I go out with a lot. Hmmm. Very interesting. Because it fits in with the talk I had with Speed about not handing over the guy role to the guy I am seeing because I am so used to acting it myself as an independent single girl. And if they can't do it as well as I can, and they never do because I have had ages to bespoke the role, then I start loosing respect and planning my exit route. This is a no win situation for me and one I want to move past. M and I are texting here and there.
So by staying over with LJ I bruised A's ego clearly. He had expectation there, but I (attempted) communicated that there shouldn't be. He could have put more energy into the pre-skiing dating but he didn't, and I was the one that suggested twice when to meet up and he blew me out. The second time he texted sorry tonight didn't work out at 8:30 pm, well into the evening. I had said to a friend before I left, that he appears too cool for school. He has admitted that he is arrogant, to which I must agree. I am sure he thinks badly of me; but I wish he would learn the lesson that things (relationships with people, connection) don't come for free (in terms of energy and effort). No effort, no girl should not be a suprise.
But I hope that I am above receiving lessons myself. Such as pondering the consequences of M's observation about my testing strategy. I am pondering why and how i do this, and how i can change it. As for A, in my opinion, given we were not dating, if you really like someone, then antics won't matter. I remember when I found out the work guy – G (who I probably will always have a crush on it will just be a small ember from now on) had snogged the Cheesecake girl, AND her flatmate. I was slightly stunned because I didn't think she was his type, but then thought it was hilarious; and still liked him. After all, I can't throw stones in my tissue-paper glass hut.
My phone rings and it is Reens. I am confirming that yes with LJ, will be home soon. But LJ and I just doze and lay there, none of us really feeling like leaving warm room to go into bright cold with blinding hangover. Eventually I make a move to leave, and he offers to walk me home. When we walk he says, what should we tell them? And I said, well, I guess that I stayed over and if pressed for details, we kissed. Which had veracity because surprisingly despite temptation, I kept my ski trip virginity intact.
I can't offer you the details either of how it happened because I have minimal recollection. But this is what Reens told me, when I met up with her that afternoon, halfway down the mountain, to do some emergency hydration and food. She said we were all on the dance floor, and M and A were each trying to pull me. I was pretty much just doing my own thing, which means flirting equally. Then she said LJ walked into the club, also very drunk. Walked right over to me, and started dancing. Then pulled me off dance floor, sat down and we started to talk. The others left, I said I wasn't ready, and that was it.
While the reaction was certainly not frigid, it wasn't taking the piss out of me either. Only one of the girls mentioned it, asking for some disclosure. Later I said LJ developing a crush on me was quite a compliment; she said she was sure I made his holiday. A was very frigid, although sent me a text that morning asking if had gotten home ok, and they were meeting at the lifts later if I wanted to join. After that though, he was ice king. The sister and other friend didn't freeze me out, but I felt they were a bit awkward around me at first. I had expected them to just take the piss out of me and laugh it off. Nor did they ignore or be mean or snide or passive aggressive. So snogging LJ and staying over with him may have cost me some NBFs. It definitely cost me more dates with Alec although I was never clear whether that was on offer, considering the lack of discussion up to the trip. On a positive note, it was extremely complimentary.
M still took time to talk to me and get to know me. The last night, he finally alluded to my getting together with LJ. He said, so last time you were here you left with someone. Do you do that a lot? I said, well, I don’t' feel bad about it. I am single, and I am not cheating on anyone. He said, well, yeah you should be proud; you were the only one of our group that pulled. I laughed and said, I would say I was pulled I am not sure how much I had to do with it, I didn't go out and seduce LJ.
I received an interesting insight into myself from M too. He said, you know I think the guy that gets you will have to pass a lot of tests won't he? I said what do you mean? And he says that he gets the feeling that I test the guys I go out with a lot. Hmmm. Very interesting. Because it fits in with the talk I had with Speed about not handing over the guy role to the guy I am seeing because I am so used to acting it myself as an independent single girl. And if they can't do it as well as I can, and they never do because I have had ages to bespoke the role, then I start loosing respect and planning my exit route. This is a no win situation for me and one I want to move past. M and I are texting here and there.
So by staying over with LJ I bruised A's ego clearly. He had expectation there, but I (attempted) communicated that there shouldn't be. He could have put more energy into the pre-skiing dating but he didn't, and I was the one that suggested twice when to meet up and he blew me out. The second time he texted sorry tonight didn't work out at 8:30 pm, well into the evening. I had said to a friend before I left, that he appears too cool for school. He has admitted that he is arrogant, to which I must agree. I am sure he thinks badly of me; but I wish he would learn the lesson that things (relationships with people, connection) don't come for free (in terms of energy and effort). No effort, no girl should not be a suprise.
But I hope that I am above receiving lessons myself. Such as pondering the consequences of M's observation about my testing strategy. I am pondering why and how i do this, and how i can change it. As for A, in my opinion, given we were not dating, if you really like someone, then antics won't matter. I remember when I found out the work guy – G (who I probably will always have a crush on it will just be a small ember from now on) had snogged the Cheesecake girl, AND her flatmate. I was slightly stunned because I didn't think she was his type, but then thought it was hilarious; and still liked him. After all, I can't throw stones in my tissue-paper glass hut.
posted by miss goLondon at 12:45 PM
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