Dreams and Dreamability
There was a time when I had a opaque dreamy vision of my future that consisted of driving up in a green Volvo onto a pea gravel drive, surrounded by green landscaped gardens which surrounded a modestly sized but open, spacious, airy yet somehow serene and cosy house. I would step out of the car with my organic groceries, my puppies (springers and setters) bounding over me, and walk into my house.
I always found it odd that this dream, as opaque as it was, did not have a man in the foyer to greet me. Not even stepping out of the pool behind the house, ala cabana boy style. Was it that I had no idea of the type I would marry? That a visceral inner knowledge was telling me I would never find a mate? Or perhaps I was preparing myself for a entirely solo life. Or maybe I am not interpreting the shadows of the image correctly; and that one day a real person would be inserted into this lingering image.
The image has altered slightly. Now it is me living in a cottage in devon or dorset, near the coast, just outside a village. The car and dogs are the same. Enter horses and cats because I love them too. I probably even have a neighbourly fox that I love to hate. Walking into the eclectically decorated house, full of English country vintage, Bauhaus and contemporary Scandinavian pieces, it reflects all the things that balance me out. The house is not cluttered, things being stored and out of sight. Except for the room I use most but for massive Aga laden kitchen. That is my writing room. A cluttered room, half way organised, littered with post its, letters to my friends who live all over the world, photos from trips, and a computer. And some watercolours. And some charcoals and an easel. Lots of plants and a big window that looks out to a scattered garden, which thanks to the English weather does not need my dark thumbs to tend it.
But where is my partner? Why can't I conjure up this vision of a person? Subconsciously am I against niching myself here? Do I not believe it will happen at the deepest level? Or am I analysing too much (who me?) and actually there is just a free open space for someone to fill without pre-existing conditions to trip them up.
This little room where this fantasy is ensconced is lovely, but there are so many things wrong with it. A girl has needs you know…I don't put any trust in the local lovin' situation. And then I can't get away from the expat issues. I would need to find a way to legally stay in this country without a work permit. That is a massive roadblock. I would need to get one being a writer, but that presupposes I am already successful enough to obtain one because I can prove my high level of income. Lastly, there is the car. I have yet to drive in this country and it really scares me. I am an excellent US side of the road driver. But I can't drive manual and I am intimidated by the other side of the road. I am going to move out to this cottage and not be able to go anywhere except on a bicycle, or horse.
I am now accepting applications for new fantasy lives. Preferealby one that could segue into reality without a lawyer, escort service, and cheuffer.
I always found it odd that this dream, as opaque as it was, did not have a man in the foyer to greet me. Not even stepping out of the pool behind the house, ala cabana boy style. Was it that I had no idea of the type I would marry? That a visceral inner knowledge was telling me I would never find a mate? Or perhaps I was preparing myself for a entirely solo life. Or maybe I am not interpreting the shadows of the image correctly; and that one day a real person would be inserted into this lingering image.
The image has altered slightly. Now it is me living in a cottage in devon or dorset, near the coast, just outside a village. The car and dogs are the same. Enter horses and cats because I love them too. I probably even have a neighbourly fox that I love to hate. Walking into the eclectically decorated house, full of English country vintage, Bauhaus and contemporary Scandinavian pieces, it reflects all the things that balance me out. The house is not cluttered, things being stored and out of sight. Except for the room I use most but for massive Aga laden kitchen. That is my writing room. A cluttered room, half way organised, littered with post its, letters to my friends who live all over the world, photos from trips, and a computer. And some watercolours. And some charcoals and an easel. Lots of plants and a big window that looks out to a scattered garden, which thanks to the English weather does not need my dark thumbs to tend it.
But where is my partner? Why can't I conjure up this vision of a person? Subconsciously am I against niching myself here? Do I not believe it will happen at the deepest level? Or am I analysing too much (who me?) and actually there is just a free open space for someone to fill without pre-existing conditions to trip them up.
This little room where this fantasy is ensconced is lovely, but there are so many things wrong with it. A girl has needs you know…I don't put any trust in the local lovin' situation. And then I can't get away from the expat issues. I would need to find a way to legally stay in this country without a work permit. That is a massive roadblock. I would need to get one being a writer, but that presupposes I am already successful enough to obtain one because I can prove my high level of income. Lastly, there is the car. I have yet to drive in this country and it really scares me. I am an excellent US side of the road driver. But I can't drive manual and I am intimidated by the other side of the road. I am going to move out to this cottage and not be able to go anywhere except on a bicycle, or horse.
I am now accepting applications for new fantasy lives. Preferealby one that could segue into reality without a lawyer, escort service, and cheuffer.
posted by miss goLondon at 9:52 AM
7 Comments:
Perhaps your vision is sans-man because you're just inherently independent? I feel that way sometimes...career and self-reliance often take priority over worrying about being single.
Regardless, your quaint description is just lovely...would entice any city-dweller to give it all up and hightail it to the coast!
If you can get get hold of two cottages by the sea next to each other I'll marry you and then you can stay as long as you want! ;)
I also want a Border Collie and we can see each other to borrow paints and go for occassional bike rides and dog walks.
And when you need a ride you can holler and I'll drive you and since it'll be quieter you can practice driving without fear of swathes of traffic.
Do you have any watercolours and charcoal drawings to show us now?
From your 'husband' in the cottage down the lane.
i think that inherently independent is a positive way of looking at it. why do i obsess about whether something is wrong? Most people that know me would be shocked that this dream exists, i appear to be uber-urban.
fb, your comments give me impetus to believe and do my dream, know that there will be fab neighbors like you, and to brush up my charcoal skills. i used to do loads of drawings...will work on a publication. hope we can do our cinema soon.
I can cook, clean and drive. I am occasionally attractive and infrequently amusing. I know my way around a massage table. However, I do have odd taste in porridge....where do I sign? {smile}
What about getting student Visa and taking neat art classes for a few years. All you would have to do is take one or two classes a semester to stay legal. You could even branch out into photography and that would give you a reason to travel.
As for a new dream ,well, you're living my dream and I have 'dreamer's block'. I can't think of any new ones for you yet.
summer, m' dear. two words. moo. lah.
i have monstrous loans from american law school which means i have a need for a monthly income. cant' go back to student until sugar daddy faery comes my way.or lottery. frankly if i did not have that worry, i would be in the country right now writing. but, i need a job to pay the bills.
but you bring up a great point which is the 'dreaminess' of my life now. it is damn good, thank you angels!
Ohhh, I feel you on the student loan debt. We have about $160k in debt. (I disclose that just to make sure that no one wants to steal my identity.If they tried, they would be in a world of stupid.)
When I was trying to make money during school, I did eBay so that I was able to stay home. I made fat cash and then I didn't have to clock in at a 9to5. I am sure we will come up with something so that you can stay and write :)
Post a Comment
<< Home