ghosts
Do you get the glazed look in your face when you are doing errands on the weekend? you walk around without your gaze concentrated, your subcouncious steadily working to point out sale! signs, or dodgy persons perhaps trying to pickpocket you, or doggy poo that you need to step over. And you are not looking at anything specifically but your mind is still watching. perhaps waiting for a special glimpse of odd beauty on the high street, or more likely up a side street. And when sudden movement that does not synchronise with your surrounds causes you to focus with accelerated attention, to try to find the cause of the anomoly.
There i was on high street kens, window shopping for shoes, but walking straight down the road with big sunnies on. and i was brought out of my nuetral reverie by just such a sudden movement moment. my vision focused, and i saw a man who had just come out of the music store visibly start. actually, i did not see this but my brain noticed it, and flashed it back to me. our minds do that! this person was walking away from me to the point where the walk was almost a jog. i looked at the person up and down, noticing build, hair, and clothes.
it was my ex! i have not seen him in over a year. we broke up a year and a half ago. he was devastated, and i blissfully relieved although disturbed over hurting someone and as to the reasons why i let it go on for so long with so little to value in it but for the fact that he is a lovely, sweet guy (NB not enough).
I reckon he clocked me, started, and then i noticed him as he was running away. He did not see me see him. and won't know unless he checks this blog here and there ina schadenfruede (sp? i know) kind of way. Yet this incedent made me sad. . sad that he doesn't feel up to saying hello to me. sad about what that implies about his state of healing. sad, but not apologetic, for the likely discrepency in our positions emotionally. this sadness propelled me to promise to myself that i would not do that again to me, or someone else.
how could i have gone on without sex for so long?
There i was on high street kens, window shopping for shoes, but walking straight down the road with big sunnies on. and i was brought out of my nuetral reverie by just such a sudden movement moment. my vision focused, and i saw a man who had just come out of the music store visibly start. actually, i did not see this but my brain noticed it, and flashed it back to me. our minds do that! this person was walking away from me to the point where the walk was almost a jog. i looked at the person up and down, noticing build, hair, and clothes.
it was my ex! i have not seen him in over a year. we broke up a year and a half ago. he was devastated, and i blissfully relieved although disturbed over hurting someone and as to the reasons why i let it go on for so long with so little to value in it but for the fact that he is a lovely, sweet guy (NB not enough).
I reckon he clocked me, started, and then i noticed him as he was running away. He did not see me see him. and won't know unless he checks this blog here and there ina schadenfruede (sp? i know) kind of way. Yet this incedent made me sad. . sad that he doesn't feel up to saying hello to me. sad about what that implies about his state of healing. sad, but not apologetic, for the likely discrepency in our positions emotionally. this sadness propelled me to promise to myself that i would not do that again to me, or someone else.
how could i have gone on without sex for so long?
posted by miss goLondon at 12:35 PM
4 Comments:
Interesting post. Your ex did act strangely. Guess he still needs to achieve closure, or something?
perhaps. one can draw many conclusions from his behaviour. knowing that he was very hurt by my decision, i am inclined to infer that he has not healed beyond the hurt. but i will never know, and can only pray that he finds happiness soon.
I think mine is at home making voodoo dolls of me and sticking pins in their eyes. People deal with break ups in different ways, odd behaviour after so much time though.
Ha ha ha, yes. I have had almost exactly this same thing happen.
And yes, how could we have gone without it for so long?!
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