WTF and OMG

Well, i said i was bored and wanting stories. I guess going out, getting really pissed, pulling a guy on the tube and not remembering any of it, counts as that.
And that was the prologue. The Chapter One, and probably the end, is that Tube Boy (TB) texted me and wanted to see me again. I said yes. We are meeting up tonight.

I have no idea what he looks like, who he is....knowing me when i am that blasted....him being minging is a complete possiblity. so why did i say yes? well, for the train wreck effect...you just can't look away. I am curious to see what this cat brought home. And possibly to get some light shed on that evening.

Another way to put it is that i am being set up on a blind date tonight. And my drunken dark side is the friend that set me up. I wonder what i thought of myself? that is what this night is about. There is not that much different than going on a blind date with someone from a dating website, where you assume their photo and email corresondence are not lies. How different is it from a friend who sets you up with a friend of a friend, who they don't know much about, except that both of you don't have a partner? what did my lashed other self think of me? how ballsy was it in terms of pulling a bloke, or did she let herself be hit on by an unworthy because she was too pissed to be bovv'ed.

I need to not drink when it is my time of the month. That is when the blackouts occur. How could i have had more than 2 bottles? I think that hormones, plus a lot of alcohol equals Shiva HGL coming out to play. i had 1.5 bottles (wine) the other weekend, and was fine, other than a small hangover. Same amount at That Time....pandoras box of chaos and loss of self control, apparently. i am slightly nervous. not about TB. About confronting the blank.

I have done this before. the Millionaire Barrister, who i met at Kilo, whilst at its opening party....again, he texted me, i don't remember meeting him.... he was funny, and loaded, but only fling material. And i was not really interested in being an old man's smart arm candy piece. Unless your name is George Clooney.

so who is TB? Age, occupation, looks, his opinion of me? i will let you know. i have no expectations, but i am helping write my own story. i am pondering having a drink first. or maybe a quick shot. of espresso. I am going with the who cares confidence that comes from being able to small talk to a wall. And i have dinner plans with a mate at 9, so that gives me Exit Stratagy. To distill, he is either eligible, or non-eligible, cute, or minging.

The night i met TB, i met a guy from the website. I thought he was v cute. somehow, both of us got drunk, i am sure me more so. from my phone, i can tell that i texted him post date, a desparate doris type text that said"had so much fun, would love to see you again, call me if you get bored". Well. I must have had a good time. and i can tell you, i haven't had many of those lately which is why i waxed exuberantly. i am sure he thinks i am a freak. A week later, no response. I am proud that i couldn't care less. i remember him being judgemental at times. he kept saying how my profile made me sound OTT heiress high maintenence. Which i don't think it does. Perhaps that made him insecure. Nevermind, i have the feeling he likes more grungy punky rocker chicks. I have my moments, but i think i will always be too refined for that.

Somehow, leaving pub and getting one of the last tubes home, i met up with TB. and he got my number. 6 hours from now, i will confront the chaos that i stirred up.

Here I am Again on My Own

going down the only road i've ever known....

well, greetings. i have promised myself that i would start blogging again. I miss writing and refining my writing skill. It is a creative outlet that, in retrospect, is very healthy for me. I had been taking an art class once a week, and that was helpful as well. But having two evening classes consecutively was taking a toll on my energy. And kung fu must stay. my friends there are too dear, the instructor still too hot.

So many thing have happened, but i feel not older, just wiser, and more comfortable. I will go into detail at later posts about the past nine months, but for now, let me stream of concioiusness for you.

Loved Builder. Broke up with builder because he didn't want a serious relationship. Felt really sad, hurt and frustrated. Hibernated to rest and recouperate. Continued with job. have put shoe store on backburner, but it is still simering. went on ski holiday with Lamborgini guy and his friends, altho we were not together. went to Firenze with good friend and had flirtation with gorg. italian hotel owner. bored at work. somehow still do well at work and continue the job although have talked with recruiters. still do kung fu and really enjoy it, more than i ever thought, but part of that is the friendships that i have created. live with flatmate in barons court, and that is well although we have had trauma with the boiler off and on. am on a dating website because once i began healing from the breakup properly, my natural impatience to be energetic and have stories clashed with the absence of meeting people when i was out....it used to be so easy, and now it rarely happens. i have had several suitors for my hand, but none have been either shag material or boyfriend material (a spectrum, me thinks, with each term on either end). Have had one shag since Builder. Feel desperate about writing a new chapter in that book, layering on what i have learned, but have yet to settle. Am a fully active member of this website which is an interesting process. At times frustrating, but it is just a reflection, almost through a distorted lens, of how people are weird, and you can never assume anything. Honestly, i am suprising myself about how grounded i feel about this process. Because i am not looking for drama, i really have a "whatever, can't be bothered" attitude about it all, and have do not take anything personally, nor do i interpret things to be about me. always interpret positively. you, dear friend or reader, will be hearing many tidbits to come. and i have several to catch you up on. International Playboy continues to be my friend and i may see him later this year. Neo is still gorgous but would be the worst choice for a boyfriend (NB if i had to leave london, i would kidnap him for a dirty weekend before i leave). Baby G has a bird, bless him. and i continue to search and wait for someone to respect, share with, and feel mutual desire for. and i continue to love clothes, champagne, reading, food, and working out.

I hope you want to stay around, and tune in here and there, to read about my anectodes, my gripes, and my demi-existential philisophical thoughts.