Mid Year Malaise

sunday nights can be so melancholy. especially when you have a sinus headache. And the work week ahead lacks sparkle; thus i will make up my own projects to have goals to complete. I need to find a path of upward mobility or else i am going to get bored and frustrated. I can't go around the same track with out variation for ever. or, for more than 2 years...

Argh,the headache emphasizes the guilt I feel about having several projects (personal) that are outstanding that I need to work on. But for the past 6 weeks I have lacked energy and/or the impetus to take them further. I need inspiration. or maybe just a kick in the ass. Summer malaise. Mid year ennui.

For me, the largest downside of being single and sans ready made clique o' friend where I live is the limitations this makes you deal with when trying to plan holidays. Destinations become negotiations. Timing is never quite what you need. Travelling for me is about freedom, and when you are alone, freedom can incite danger and you have to be extra aware.

Sigh. I hope I get to travel to somewhere outside the European area this year.

the does and donts review of July

IN

Taking helicopters to work
Front wrapping cardi's
Small growers champagne
Deciding to not wear makup and wear your second tier fashion but still getting flattering attention from cute men
Face massages
Writing your short story

OUT

Men who repeat your name every 30 seconds
Cockails with a tonne of sugar and fruit juice
Talking about the, you know, incidents with a capital I
The bohemian cowgirl look
Home dermabrasion kits
Writing your novel

i feel British

sans make up. without shower. drinking till 2 am and then some further festivities. i think i got about 3 hours sleep last night. rock in to work, and yes i feel crappy although there have been worse mornings. Actually, i was still drunk when I came to work. Was able to minimise pain of hangover through the body shock combo of h2o for hydration, and coffee for dehydration. Some breakfast food helped, then some more food in the form of detoxifying sushi. hang over comes in waves still, ebbing and flowing, and the brief periods of respite are bitter teasers. Blissfully, I have no plans tonight except to treat myself to some sleep, more food loaded with anti-oxidents, and appreciate that the flat is empty.

I cannot wait to wake up rested and happy. Hopefully i will not feel to guilty ( once completely sober) about all my drunken conversations.

In a cage

We can't leave our offices in the City due to the Incidents today.
This angers me; I am already claustrophobic.

We have yet to be informed if this was serious, or a de minimus effort by hoodlums wishing to cash in on the tensions in the City. A Look At Me stunt. Unfortunately, we have to be aware of a Boy Who Cried Wolf situation. And that because we are such a populous, diverse city, there are many people out there messed up in the head who are crying for attention and will do it through harmful, negative means. I am reminded of the stories of US gangs and their interaction. How non-gang members, in order to gain entrance, would perpetrate crimes on innocent victims in order to prove their worthiness of entrance into the gang which they liked. I think their is a danger of that paradigm in London.

Macro and Micro

So.
just as i was thinking/hoping/praying that our murderers had more in common with the murderers involved in the US Columbine high school shooting, it seems that there is a worls wide conspiracy burgeoning in the extremist camps in Pakistand and Afghanistan to kill Britains as punishment for their government's foreign policy choices.

Should France expect these same types of terrorists to kill Parisians based on the goverment's decision to uphold a ban on headscarves worn in state schools by Muslim women?

Perhaps Norway should expect some incidents because they let women vote.
Obviously i go down the slippery slope to make a point through hyperbole. But the repurcussions are overwhelming.

I feel that there are now two lives to live. the Macro and Micro. The life where we read the multiple, and taken together confusing, articles on terrorism today and how and why the arrows are pointed at us, and our work/family/social life - weddings to go to, projects to turn in, friends to meet for drinks, dates to go on, and holidays to take.

suprises are for birthdays

I am not surprised to be informed that the 7/7 murderers were British and suicidal. In imagining the logistics of the situation, it did seem to me that the latter aspect was highly probably. From what I have read, it is within keeping of the twisted extremist beliefs that suicide is an very appropriate means to meeting their goals because it not only kills the people they have decide to have a religious-themed struggle with, in their minds, suicide delivers them to a higher place in their religious strata.

Their British identity is something I think I actually assumed. There is no surprise here for me because as I understand it, the Islamic extremists that promote this sort of violence are a morphic, flexible and at times self-creating group that does not fit national or ethnic boundries. We want to profile these people using familiar and fixed terms such as Syrian or Shi-ite, but if we fall into this trap I believe we lose sight of the truth of what is happening. It seems to me that we can profile causes and the personality types that latch on to the movement. For a very informative opinion, do read yesterday's Observer blog by Jason Burke, a sharp writer on this area(see observer link in column). If what I am opining bears a small similarity to the truth (aside from the obvious well what does truth mean), then I think the consequences are that the situation is intensely more frightening than the reserve and stoicism that Londoners are showing can bear.

I too mentally say screw you when I jump on a tube to go to work; at times I have thought vengeful thoughts toward the perpetrators and their colleagues that still scheme to cause more murder towards myself and my friends and neighbours. But with increased "security incidents" on the trains and tubes, and controlled explosions near me in the City and in Luton (there are probably others), controlling ones nerves is difficult. And my last thought is, I really wish the media and or police would be clear what the heck a controlled explosions is and what its significance is.

Civilized response

"the civilized response to terrorist actions is the swift return to normalcy"
This is a mis-quote from a BBC radio reporter. But its core is what I think is important.

Whilst I was sad to say goodbye to my family in America, I wanted to show support for my city and the diverse population that live here. I too want to go about my usual business and imply screw you terrorist scum, you can't shake our poise, because that is integral to Londoners, and tougher times have yet to shake it.

Although London commuters still wear their armor, there is a look, a knowing in our eyes...people do not avoid eye contact, but use it to pass a brief message that says, I know, I understand, I acknowledge our aggregate strength and I empathise.

stunned

well, it has been two days since 7/7. It has been very odd, the word seems so trivial and not significant enough to describe the disjointism, to be at the Family Compound (pic -me at compound) here in the US whilst the events and emotional fallout are occuring at my Real Home in London. I have had numerous calls, v mails and sms from friends in the area. All imply a chaos and shock that I too would be going through had I not at the last minute decide to take a week long trip stateside to see my family and go to a wedding.

It is surreal to feel a tight disconnect due to my familiarity with my home and yet i am not connected to the events, yet.

I am already getting nervous about returning. Not because I am afraid of traveling, but the generic fear of the unknown when it comes to entering a place that when I left was one way, but now will be another but I was absent and disconnected from its transformation.

I think my entries about this subject will trickle as I digest the multitude of implications.

Entrance Exam

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4636117.stm
1. Please circle the answer that is most appropriate:
The Iraq War is to Weapons of Mass Destruction, in the same way that:
A Botchulism is to eating chicken sashimi
B US President George W Bush has ordered the creation of a domestic intelligence service within the FBI is to fighting terrorism and the proliferation of WMDs
C Angelina Jolie is to John Voight
D all of the above

2. White House homeland security adviser Frances Townsend has said the new measures were a "win for the American people" because "[a] stronger, more vibrant intelligence community produces better intelligence products upon which good decisions can be made."
Ms Townsend has been receiving training from:

A a consulting firm such as KPMG
B Martha Stuart
C Bobbi Brown
D All of the above