Handbags - younger men that women (aka HGL) use as escorts, or fun-only dates, chosen for their sense of humour, looks, conversational ability and fashion sense. To be purchased each season depending what is in style. After the season is over, time to move on. Let some other girl use the handbag. After all, it is a sort of finishing school for our precious handbags, so no guilt required. Can't be older but could be even one year younger. No specific industry required, just that other women look at you with jealousy. Which isn't nice because if they were your friend, they could share in the love next season...

I need to get me one of these. Autumn is upon us.

compare with Duct Tape Boys. in short, hush, don't say a word, just be. Look like handbags, but without the conversation, humour and maybe even fashion sense. you may have to dress them before venturing into society. or at least members club society. can also be older. usually in media or support services.

At this point, i would not call it settling to find myself a DTB....

happy hunting. i mean, halloween.

Bittersweet Malady

I am not patient with myself being a patient. My list of maladies includes the following: toe with cut that is not healing, one scarred knee from football, one fresh knee-located mince meat resembling scar from a topple in the street on Wednesday night, one crick in neck from said fall, aour 4 extra pounds i shouldn't be carrying, one red and irritated eye from eye don't know what (perhaps Exmoor mud from the weekend's ride) and 8-10 blemishes on my face.

I am in a horrible mood. I think i should go into the hospital. Frankly, it is the blemishes that caused me to almost break down and start crying. i have no idea why they are popping on my face nightly. i usually have nice skin. ever since i had to take extremely strong medicine 8 years ago for bad skin. thus when i do get break outs, it tends to throw me in a emotional taxi ride in the past where i feel the insecurities and negativity that associated from that time. ok now i am crying.

My fall was not even something to be proud of because it was caused by some inebriated state in which i pulled a hot guy. nope. dead sober. walking to a birthday part. just too high heels too many cracks in sidewalk and too much weight in bags around my core of stability. i toppled like the jolly green giant, except i was wearing black. all my girlfriends saw it. the know i am coordinationally challenged, and if they didn't believe my assurances they do now. the only keen part was that apparently about 7 guys stopped to offer me help. i was so embarrassed i didn't notice but my friends thought it was amusing.

and my knee. it is just really gross. between it and my toe, on the same leg, i am pushing runner up in the later Ministry of Funny Walks contest, City of London category, 35 and under. I don't have it covered up though. it needs air to scab, and the sooner it does that the sooner i can throw tights over it.

i don't do unhealthy well. i am very obsessive compulsive about being healthy. i watch what i eat, read about nutrition, pride myself on being healthy (nb still revel in the oxymoron that is the drinker that i am. but hey, wine has a ton of antioxidants), treating myself healthy, knowing about food, caring about what i put in my body. i rarely have to detox because my neutral state of being is uber healthy in the first place. i also am obsessive about my skin and have to baskets full of products. this is probably because ever since the medicine cured my skin, i could finally put products on my face without fear of breaking out. it was heaven. to see the city and stress wear me down despite what i do to counteract is like losing a battle where you know you had better artillery and training. but the numbers got to you. Eff you, i will still win this war! Note, must be careful when i go to the Halloween party on Saturday as i am on a red alert for coordination challenge, and drinking only enhances the "challenge".

world wide entaglement web of dating

Similar to when you see your family and although you have done mental situps to prepare yourself not to nag at your parents or wind up your sisters when the pop gun goes off there you are winding and nagging, I always tell myself "Miss GL, you will not go on any internet dates ever again", off I go to do so, with fingers crossed and to my credit, no sense of excitement. And again, I find myself here saying never again. And not even in the good way where you know you are kidding yourself, like after a bender. I mean, really no.

I signed myself up because it was another way to meet people. Not from here, I have not uni friends, the built in social clique-ey clique that runs the wedding engine here. I meet men when I go out, but I don't have a steady go out pattern or even places to go. So the stream is inconstant.

Meetings via these services have run from still friends with, to if anyone I know sees me I am going to pass out with mortification. Last night (Bobby) was in between. Not as cute as the photo message. To big of a guy, he drinks too much beer and not enough gym time to counteract, despite assurances he is very active. I am attracted to lean, not baby fat. He also used the words awesome and amazing too many times. Ok if you are a hot surfer and we are in Hawaii, not so much in a bar in Hoxton and you are in a suit.

My facial expressions expand and engage as I talk and get comfortable with my audience (not Jim Carey, but it is noticable). I gesture and use silly voices. And sometimes I am self conscious about it, but other times I love that I do that and embrace that side of my personality. I have noticed when others do it, and some people get away with it in the sense it is quirky and attractive. I hope that others out there think the same of me, but I am sure not all do. Some people probably think it is annoying and strange. Which is how I felt about Bobby's constant head nod followed by white boy's overbite facial expression. I though I might have been in a parallel universe looking at my date circa 1988 at a Skid Row concert. Yeah, dude, oxford was amazing, head nod, head not, bite lip, squint eyes. Exit stage left!!!

And I get that you went to Oxford, but you should be over this since graduation 2003, I am, and if I had had a drink for everytime he said the word, I would have been in the hospital. And speaking of, after round one he didn't offer a next round when clearly our drinks had been empty ten minutes, so I offered and he accepted. He then bought two more rounds, both of which had too long of lag time between rounds. And no offer of food. The bar served a nice little menu, and there were plenty of places in the area too. Not a good first impression. If money is an object, take me to cheap and cheerful, and explain you think the food is good anyway. But treat me, don't starve me. Eating is cheating only goes if you are out with your mates. Or work colleagues.

And then the touching. I suppose if you are attracted to someone you think, fab he is lightly brushing up against me, leaning in and touching my back. But if you aren't attracted to him, e.g. ME towards Bobby, then you think, stop touching me it is very annoying. like dog slobber, when it isn't your dog. I am not even getting fed and you are able to touch me? Continental playboy was really into touching, inappropriately in public, but at least I got several hundred pounds worth of spa treatments and food out of it. I am not a premiere cru materialist. It isn't the value, it is the inequality of it.

However, the end of the date left me more optimistic than I had been going into the evening. Decision made: I am not doing this again!! I hunt and gather just fine on my own two feet without world wide web tangling me up. And now I have more free time to hunt, gather, or just be by myself in blissful simplicity. The latter being better for my skin.

country alliances aside...

When on country holiday in the ala The Field
Do Not say, like dearest Pa'pa, now, I realise that hunting is outlawed here, but with the governor of Texas and the President of the United States hunting on their ranches several times a year, I don't think it will be outlawed soon, in Texas.

Do Not suggest in a slurred over whiskeyed voice that i made a wrong decision to break up with Ex who you did not even know. So, do you ever talk to P? no dad, we dont' talk anymore. Oh, well, i was just wondering because you used to go out. now, dad, we don't talk, it would be too hard for him right now. he was a really sweet person, but just not the person for me. no, your mother and i thought he seemed like a very nice man. but you know, sometimes a decision you make turns out not to be as smart as you initially thought, so, really, i guess you just don't know, it may turn out that you regret it. Silence. in fact, a vacuum has withdrawn all the oxygen of the air around the table leaving a cool, dry, rust tasting material enveloping. All others around the table, 4 females including me, collectively stare at the offending speaker. great dad that is just what you want to do, second guess the decision of your daughter on her love life, says my sister, usually the consumate arbitrator. well, i am just saying. well, dad, i think you better not.

Do wear your Barbour jacket and Ban the Ban arm bands to "fit in".

Do sit in the front seat and navigate on the little country roads to manage the noise level of the family filled car, or else there is constant parental bicker regarding whether the correct turn off was taken.
Do transcendental meditate so that constant fretting and nagging dialogue does not cause you to have a brain haemorrhage.
Do Not get in an argument to convince your father that Hitler had very little in common with Napoleon (Napoleon has a lot in common with Hitler. ..No, dad I really don't think so. Hitler didn't create the foundation for modern European law but he did instigate genocide (cue ten minute argument as to why Hitler and Napoleon are not similar.)

Do Not try to educate your father against his belief that the foxhunting ban is caused by the UK's post WWII immigration policy and thus the Pakistanis should be blamed.

Do wind your father up about his constant pretentious and pompous reference to his range rover, to the extent it becomes similar to a VW "slug a bug" car game.
Do just shut up and not say anything when it comes to your over sensitive low self esteem Mamman, so that you do not hurt her feelings and make her feel inadequate, which i apparently do just by living.
Do Not feel guilty when you want to get back to your life that you don't have to justify to anyone in terms of why the current set up is preferable. They won't understand me as a person, just me as their daughter. I won't understand why they almost got a divorce three years ago. you must accept these things, without judgement.
Do Not try to manage expectations regarding the vagaries of the processes and rules in the UK because they will not listen to you anyway, needing through actual experience to learn and educate themselves, like burning your finger on a flame that you said watch out that is hot and will burn you. proving that people become more childlike as we get older.
Do bring an MP3 player.
Do Not go stag hunting ( in the Shire meaning, not the Prague meaning).
Do Not go on a 5 hour intense horseback ride without 1 hot stable boy lined up to give you a eh, ehm, massage.

cross border blues 2

I have a family hangover. but i can't drink anymore of them until christmas time when the annual family eggnog will be out for us to partake in. Arriving back from a weekend with my visiting parents and sister, i am going through the usual mixed bag of missing them, wishing i could redo the experience and say not so many nagging things, and be a more perfect daughter. but there is also the relief of having some space, and being able to live my life as i want and understand it, instead of knowing that the choices i make don't make sense in their world as defined by their priorities in life.

at least my parents know i love them very much. despite all the family anxiety that we interbreed when amongst each other. despite all promises to oneself not to wind up or be a overbearing control freak. but relearning your parents as humans and not just as parents and having the space of an ocean to act as a binocular looked through the odd way, is painful. I love my dad but sometimes his pomposity grates on my nerves. I love my mother, but her she does not listen and repeats her desire to give you something until you take it just to get her to stop. i don't like that as a passive control mechanism. no,mom, i dont' need any more milk. no really i don't please i am sure, i know i need calcium, yes it tastes fine, ok just one sip, mom that is a whole new glass!

I did not get much sleep last night because i kept thinking that i did not adequately thank my parents for their generous gifts of the holiday, our lodging and nice places to eat. i must send them a thank you card to assuage current guilt. and bring loads of Christmas pressies.

cross border blues

Just back from the family visit.

They asked me an interesting question which is why do I live here? They don't understand it. So I tried to explain , fuelled by wine. And their listening skills improved with wine too. The experiences, the people, the cultures, how people do things, sometimes against incredible odds, the ability and approval of travel and interest in other ways and cultures; meeting peers that actively define their life; challenged to open your mind and release judgement, surround yourself with culture. They said at the end of my sermon that they were glad they asked because they now understand somewhat. But I forgot to say how challenging it is to live in a culture that is not your own, like holding up a mirror to your cultural assumptions and being given a choice to keep them or release them.

We can talk about our animals and our country escapades, but we can't talk about, well, issues or what is in the newspaper. It dissolves into a chaotic mess that belongs in Whitehall not our family sitting room. Each person takes an extreme view just to stir things up. But is that not the definition of family?

Now my goal is to be more serene, peaceful and a harmonising presence at Christmas time. The key is to say nothing. Just smile. i will have to have my mp3 player with me.

Overall my parent's manners have slid downhill. My father's worse than my mothers. Maybe as you age you cease to care. Or perhaps the line that you draw to determine when you get upset changes. However, I was brought up reading etiquette books and getting reprimanded if the standard fell below par, which was quite high in the first place. This is the monster that they created! I actually said that to them. They should realise that there are repurcussion for the choices on makes, whether as best meaning parents or perfectionist inducing overlords.

no harm, no fowl.

Is your idea of a date to be taken to one of the nicest spas in London, have two hours worth of treatments (on my own) then taken to a sushi dinner (Japanese theme - spa and dinner), all without, hmm, how to euphemism this, Taking One For The Team? If so, then i went on one of those..... nice, but confusing. For me it is disconcerting, being uncertain of the other person's agenda.

My groceries for the dinner were not used, as i went home unescorted after dinner. So i made it for myself last night. NB - grilled fresh figs stuffed with goat cheese as a topping for vanilla bean ice cream, already topped with chocolate sauce, is awesome.

I do not understand nor have a template for this phenomenon, ie absence of expected quid pro quo. I could be being naive, and this guy is actually quite odd even to the women in his home country. how would i know? what i initially define as cultural differences may not be that. he could be just an odd duck.

I also recently escorted a guy "off the premises". he was borderline stalker. we went for coffee once, but subsequent to the 1.5 hour conversation, his messages and communications to me seemed to spawn from a the reaction to a different person. it was as if there was an alternate universe miss gl who was giving him positive romantic feedback and he was responding accordingly...in my reality this was not occurring, so his escalating amorous communiques were puzzling, aggressive feeling and annoying. there are people out there who manipulate you through abusing what they assume will be your reticence borne out of socialised politeness. They push you where they want you to go, relying on your uncomfortably with being direct about not wanting to move in that direction.

and then, there is me. i have no issues playing the [direct/blatant/ugly] american card and believe my time is precious. if i have a instinct that it is not worth my time getting to know you, then don't try to make me feel bad about that and get me to spend time with you.

here is the email, in case you ever need it as a template:
I may be reading in too much, but you seem to be using awfully strong language such as loveya, and loads of love, and have spoken to all your friends about me, all in the context of a person you have met... Once and a half times?
Before further confusion can occur, I am going to be honest and direct in my american fashion and let you know that I am not in the market to find a boyfriend or be in a romantic relationship. I can only offer you a friendship. And we dont know each other very well actually. I think you may be rushing in, and making assumptions about me and where I am coming from. Not that you have asked, but I am seeing someone, although they live in another country.... I am flattered by your willingness to create time to get to know me better in light of your obvious intelligence. I appreciate you offer to go to the book signing XYZ, but I am really uninterested in politics. And I can't understand the politics here at all. I think I am too old to try!
So, if you want to meet up here and there as friends, that would be great, and thus you should keep in touch.
I am sure this is an awkward email to read, and I do apologize. I hope you have a great time out in Country X and have fun as well as work.
Warm regards

don't be chicken about being cruel to be kind.

She Falls 3

or, at least, falls apart.
my mood has been dismal, and mercurial all day. I have attempted to focus on the tribulations of my legal work but i keep coming back to the whys of my moods. always willing to overanalyze, once more into the breach....

i wish i was more excited about spa night than i am. because i am stressed i really need time to myself to sleep and be surrounded by quiet. instead i am doing the opposite, and will need to be On all evening. and if i am not present mentally, then i am not learning from the experience and i might as well not go along and play. even though i am not going to get a relationship out of it, i should see at as an Exercise. it may not be the race, but you have to practice first. this is experiencing and learning. lastly there is an element of control, that i am giving up. after all, i am about to jump in a cab and have no idea what we are doing for the rest of the evening; considering it is at a spa, and i have personal space and body comfort concerns, i am taking deep breaths right now. the one thing i do know, is dinner at chez golondon afterwards. i have several bottles of wine for that. and a avacado mint lime salad to start, grilled salmon, grilled peppers stuffed with goat chees, and steamed asparagus with tomato pesto, and for a pudding vanilla bean ice cream with fresh figs and chocolate sauce.

ciao, maybe i will have some good quotes for display tomorrow.

She Falls 2

i seem to be having small panic attacks that march up in small waves.
yesterday i felt the army mobilising. i can't determine the derivations of such anxiety though.
i went to our gym to have some physical Me time for thirty minutes, and i quasi-read FFC and ruminated. i do have many concepts and events to juggle at this time and many of them are taking high emotional energy. coupled with an almost too active social life, which consists of imbibing toxins which can negatively affect our hormones, perhaps i should take comfort, well, in the discomfort. rationally, it seems like a normal, healthy reaction to stress.

one busy job that i need to focus on and continue to exact high standards; one family arriving in Bristol from the US; one long weekend to spend with family; one blog which is addicting me; one short story to write by end of year; friendships to maintain through investiture of time; one interview for a role that may be viable; several books being read; 7 guys on the Horizon, ranging through probably won't hear from, figuring out how escort him off the premises, up to date on Wednesday (The Columbian, can I not take my own advice as to Marginal Utility? Well, he is handsome and nice and wants to spend time with me...); one seminar to speak at this week; one test on investor relations to study for...

reminding myself of the causes of anxiety actually releases some pressure. falling isn't so scary now.

She Falls

It is a serene morning full of promise and innocence because at this very moment all is in order and flowing peacefully. The air smells crisp and the sun tastes tingly. The neignborhood is quiet and sleepy, the breeze lulling everyone into dreamy laziness. As if to tempt you with dreams of apples and cinamon, the variegated leaves are drifting in swooshes across the road, ready to play when you wake up.

Continental Breakfast

The Horizon Effect has struck again meaning men continually flow in and out of my personal scope (some with value, some worthless). Beyond the horizon flow some, others come into focus again. The Continental Playboy emailed and he is in town next week. We are going to a Mayfair spa after work on Monday, and then to dinner. He has below zero relationship potential, but he is intelligent, charming, stylish, sophisticated and handsome. Just because it will not lead to a relationship, does not mean it is a waste of my time. I think that spending time with Continental is challenging for me because he is very sensual European, whilst i am anti-sensual protestant american. Thus to spend time with him, i have to let go of my socialized judgments and be comfortable with this side of me. And i think it is affecting me; I have never gotten the compliment that i am sexy, but this year i have heard that many times. it always surprises me to hear it; when we change i think it is difficult to readjust our view of ourself so that there is a lag time. others see you with more honesty at times than you can.

Additionally, The Columbian called. He is cool guy, but emotionally high maintenance. I don't think i will be accommodating about finding time to meet him. It always has to be on his terms and i have yet to reap any rewards physically or mentally. He draws from me but can't give anything back. yet, he makes a good friend and is perfect arm candy. The fact that he is very smart makes the candy aspect perfect. But i need to receive the benefits too, and he has yet to perform there. This is the Marginal Utility Effect. When you are putting time and energy into a relationship (NB could be at any point on the relationship spectrum, from casual friend to boyfriend) but it is not paying you back any dividends or growth. Lovely bloke, bad investment.

Finally, London may be a city of over 8 million people, and huge geographically, but it does remind me almost weekly that it still a small interconnected world. It is comforting at times. Odd how coincidences reassure me that there is a grand design to life. In my opinion. As I mentioned, the date I had with Chez Playboy was never followed up with another call. And I was disappointed. I would have liked the opportunity to get to know him better, and there was chemistry there to make the process fun and zingy. But no text or call and I can't be bothered to ring him. He is a big boy and I don't want to waste my time if not wanted (see don't waste the pretty). But, but: my fab mate Shell's beaux, is in the same industry, and she is going out with a group of persons one of whom used to work with CP. Ha ha!! At least i have the benefit of getting inside gossi. My guess is that CP has an onagainoffagain SO.

But as my good mate Paul wrote: "Aim higher than a burger flipper. Think Hedge Fund Manager. More money = more fun". I could not stop laughing. With a sagacity I didn't know he had, he made me feel better in 30 seconds.

And now i will begin my weekend in the theme of as much fun for as little money as possible.

Geek O Rama

Closet Geek Am I.
Fantasy/Sci Fi books enjoy to read i do...
okay, enough of the Yoda speak. If only Jedi mind trick would work to make my mobile ring.

However, I really don't care right now. Not only am I having a fab day, getting much done, have a dinner at Galvin with a good mate to anticipate, have worked out twice, and, best of all, i received a much anticipated birthday gift in the mail. I can't wait to begin the epic journey. I won't care if my mobile doesn't ring. My nights will be shorter because i won't be able to sleep. I won't think about eating so much. I can bike away at the gym for hours with it in my hands.

I am about to go on mental hols... To the land of the Seven Kingdoms. That is right. George RR Martin is back, finally (to the third degree), with A Feast For Crows, the continuing book in the A Song of Ice and Fire saga.

I am doing my happy dance that would resemble the Peanuts' Gangs dance in the seminal Christmas Special. were it not for my three left feet. but cue music anyway, you know the tune.....

See ya later, i have a date with Jon Snow, Arya (the name of my first daughter should i ever have one) and Danny.....

Xtreme Xistentialism

I have not had a very long, long-term relationship. Thus most of my post-adolescent life has been as a single girl. As a single girl, i have participated in many, many dates. Dating is a great laboratory experiment. It provides a creative opportunity for you to know yourself, and others. You observe human behavior, and you create it too. And as one gets to know one's self (ie personality, actions and reactions) through the process of time and experience, one can read and gauge, and engage, others, in a ever more sophisticated method.

I tend to read situations, recongize a pattern, and form judgments, or jump to conclusions. I also simply "exit the building", if not to my liking. I have determined and coined various Effects that occur when going through the process of meeting and greeting potential persons of the sex that you find attractive in order to meet such a person that you want to share an intimate relationship with, for quite a long time. An extended definition of going out.

I think i have mentioned the Horizon Effect. What happens when there is potentially several people that could call you for dates (or even the less formal hook-up) but there is no certainty and you have nothing but cinemas with girlfriends lined up in the near future. Because in reality there is no person close to you, they are all wavering in and out of your sight on the horizon line. This is my current reality.

Then there is the Brittany Effect. When you decide to give things a chance, and not judge too rapidly, give the universe the benefit of the doubt, and say yes to something (a number given out, a lunch with someone you don't know, a blind date set up) but within hours of the event beginning, you really want to run; you know there is No Way. Named after ms. Spear's many premature attempts at a significant long term relationship from which she runs away screaming (and being the subject of unfortunate photos). Oops, we do it again, don't we?!

The Harem Effect is a personality trait, exhibited by someone who you might like. it is when such person is insecure about their attractiveness, so that they are constantly needing attention from various persons, and will flirt with many people and omit important truths (like having a SO) in order to maintain the level of attention they need from you (and the harem of others) to feel good about themselves. Typically, this is a guy who has a long term girlfriend but is constantly keeping up flirty relationships, not necessarily ever breaching the physical barrier, with an assorted array of women (at work, social networks, gym, etc.). They have to have a harem to feel sexy and confident. [NB these effects can be present in homosexual relationships too, just switch around the genders as you need]. And to do this, they will weave a false version of reality around you; it is a dangerous web to be caught up in because it leave you with nothing and them with an ego boost.

The Cleaver Effect: the guy who aggressively comes across as an asshole, then supposedly does a 180 u turn in personality and demonstrates consistently, in the short term, the opposite traits but with enough of an edge to make it real. However, he maintains the behavior until the point where you forgive, forget and are charmed (ie can smile at him with genuine warmth and affection). Tada, that is when he turns around and becomes an asshole again. Except the second time around the level increased so that he is clocking in at level Dickhead. Named after Daniel Cleaver in BJD.

i have several more which I will write at a later date. Subsequently, we will discuss Handbags, Escorts, Duct Tape boys, and the dreaded FD and IIMTLITN (you will never guess this, but i know you have seen it). Let's go do our homework....

Do not read if you are depressed

I had written out a very long essay on the horrible disasters occuring this year, during a boring admin meeting i had today. I will try to shorten it, because it was really too intense. and sad.

The Tsunami in December, the London bombings, the 3 or 4 airline crashes, Katrina & Rita (wondertwin powers activate, form of: destruction), the landslide in Guatamala, the bombings in Bali and Egypt, the earthquake in Pakistan. The continued violence in Iraq.

Beginning with the twilight of 2004, this year has been extensively damaging to humans. For me to observe within my cushy little bubble of health, safety and wealth, I still feel damaged; and yet absolutely in no degree near what it would be if I were nearer to these events physically. But i can't really empathise. I think it is a survival instinct. Like when a friend's parent dies, and you feel intensely sad for them, but you know without experiencing the emotion that you still can't say you understand what it could be like. You can't if you did, it would ruin your handle on emotional health and you would be living a lie.

I have had friends who were in Thailand helping clean the wreckage, a friend who had to go say good bye to her dying Grandma in the wake of Katrina (she still can't sleep), a friend whose family is near Islamabad. Etc. I can only hug them and tell them i am there supporting them.

It is odd, when you see yourself moving through rooms, adjusting perspective constantly; big rooms full of negative occurances that are not really touching you, and you have no control over; and then other assorted shape rooms that represent your life as you experience it. The boredom admin meetings, the glance of the guy you had liked but that you have shut that emotional tap off of; the glance around the tube train for something/one suspicious; the wince you give because your toe is infected and it hurts and you wore kitten heels today; the sigh you exhale when you realise you have much work to do and have no excitement about completing it.

I spoke with this man the other sunday evening, and his argument was that all these disasters are being caused by human-inspired negative karma. interesting. I dont agree nor fully disagree.

I can say words like disaster, horrific, negative, etc. and yet i know i can't feel anything attached for those words that remotely touches what is truly happening. But i am really grateful for my bubble.

[normal fun blog will resume on schedule tomorrow. need a warm up? American Psycho was neither fiction nor fake...discuss]

Psycho Pretty

Some great recent advice, in a succinct statement, i received not too long ago was Don't waste the pretty. This is one of the themes in this book titled: He is Just Not That Into You. I haven't read the book, because i think i "get that point" without having to go back to remedial dating school. But apparently the author uses the phrase as a mantra in the book. As was explained to me, if girl has feelings for guy, and guy does not appear through his actions to be reciprocating, eg calling you for dates, emailing you, texting you, or other general "let me connect with you by getting to know you" actions, then RATHER THAN staying at home crying, being frustrated, dwelling thereby winding yourself up in a self imposed self esteem deluvian theme park, pick yourself up, go about your business, enjoy the weather, a park, your friends, write a letter...but don't wind your self up and dwell and waste your time on doing nothing positive for you. don't. Waste. the Pretty.

I really love this phrase. Its quick and quirky. I don't need the phrase in the sense that i should stop winding myself up. Although at times i find myself frustrated that I would like to talk to a guy, or go out with him, but...do you hear that...that's right its the silence of my mobile...I am not getting the opportunity because i work from the American premise if they are not calling you, they don't want to hang out with you...but i don't stay at home and become upset and feel sorry for myself. I have many other things to do, and see, whether on my own (and i do need my Me Time) or with one of my friends here in London. And i may have a small circle, but they are Quality and i often thank gods and angels for my blessings there. Or, i go out with other dates that I have lined up, or I go out and find other dates... this was really easy to do when Kat was here, we will have to see how it goes now.

Yet, ironically the girl that told me about this phrase, and the book (which i will not read) is a psychopathic liar freaky insecure girl! she had this SWF crush on my friend's husband, and projected all of that nervous sexual energy on his brother, and caused a huge scene amongst the family, all this while donning brothers clothes, traipsing around his house, whilst he was out of town. And then proceeding to call the brother who she hooked up with, by the husband's name...

How can a bad thing, create a positive? Out of the mouth of psychos...I think my point is here..(sorry!) is that advice can be good even if the person writing or saying it has complete inability to heed it themselves. And the purest person perhaps can give crap advice. Evaluate everything yourself, and use your mind. I mean, if you want to waste your pretty... Whatever.

but, yes, if you haven't guessed, i did go on a date last week and it was fun and we vibed; there was mental respect and chemical charm! we both are people of quality and appreciated it in each other. yes, he is a player, but that is my pitch too. I cut my teeth on some of the best; he is a handful but i can handle. BUT it would be really nice if the dude would call. but he hasn't. sigh. i hate when it is on their time table, and not mine. so off i go, to see friends and occupy my mind with other dates.

Not your standard morning

I was informed by a good male friend that my blog got shouted out in the Evening Standard.
I was shocked. And the quote they used, not my fav....but an absolutely funny one.

I don't think of my blog as being only about Bridget Jonesy singletteville. However, it isn't that i dont' have those concepts in my head. I just think there are other things to write about too. Notwithstanding, I am really flattered that the ES journalist thought enough of my blog to give me cite. Thank you!

I will try to mix it up more, and write on more juicy dating bits. And on my plethora of philisophical quasi psychiatric lessons on the state of not being in a romantic relationship; and whether you should really even care.

Subsequently I will write more on the following subjects, of which i am becoming extensively accustomed to now that I am single again (broke up with sweet but not right for me ex in May)

• how to get dates
• how to get good dates
• how not to go speed dating
• how to suss out baggage in the first date
• how to get British guys to date you and think outside of the "girlfriend relationship only" box
• how not to have crushes on guys you work with because lets face it we always lose

I would still like to publish my random essays on random socio-humour thoughts though, as the D word gets trite so fast, like Foodie and 30-something.

hedonic treadmill

this term was in the Sunday Times Magazine.
It is a useful term of art; it also sits well on the tongue.
It defines the concept that no matter how many goals one achieves, and how much stuff you accumulate, we are wired so that happiness is always at the next point in the future rather than in the honest present. It is as if carpe diem is against our nature, and something learned.. Similarly, I think it can be used to mean when you are on the beach and you never think you are tan enough. Or, after drinking loads of alcohol, you think one more drink would just be great. Or, as we say in single speak BBD: Bigger, Better, Deal [moment of], when you realise a guy likes you and he will continue to ask you out on dates and your excitement of the chase becomes 21 grams lighter and you begin to question if you really like him after all or think you can find a better specimen to meet your needs.

However, in your 20s this happens all the time. In your 30s, you move past and through this exhilation of pure adrenalin. The substance does not scare you so much. At least that is where I find I am. in the honest present.